Todays been harder than I’d like to admit. It took me a lot longer to get out of bed. It took me a lot longer to find a reason to roll out and head to the gym. I had all these plans to go watch the sun rise at Riverdale Park. Now If you don’t know what that is, or where it is I’ll tell you. Its in Toronto, and its beautiful. I mean I’m only telling you from what I’ve seen in photos because I’ve never been.
This year I visited High Park for the first time. Yeah, I live in Toronto… or just outside of it and I’ve never visited. Its the equivalent of living in New York and never making it to Time Square. So why didn’t I just go to Riverdale this morning? Well its simple, I’m leaving and moving away and there is a part of me that doesn’t want to come back. So I’m leaving, and I had a lot of plans for this summer, many of them involved my ex. Today was the first time that that the idea of her got in the way of doing the things I wanted.
We never had plans to go here and watch the sunrise but I did ask her to come with me to watch the sunrise in Hamilton, up on the mountain. Thats actually something I recommend. I have a few photos but right now I think I want to keep those for myself. So thats what kept me in bed? The memory of what we didn’t get to do. The many things we didn’t get to do. It hurts, and it felt like it just had a gun to my head this morning. But thats what happens when you love someone. You make plans, you build memories, you become a part of someone and they become a part of you.
I didn’t go the the park. I ended up going to the gym and watching it rain. It rained and rained and rained. Now I’m not going to tell you that the universe or god intervened and had me go to the gym instead. But if you look at the pictures I’ve posted (@adelnotadele) you’ll see that so many of them are taken in the night, taken when the suns not out, or lets face it at, sporting events. Maybe I’m tired of taking those photos, maybe I’m tired of capturing the end, finding the good, seeing the same thing… maybe I’m looking to capture something different.