I will never forget 2017. Nothing about this year was easy, not the way it started and not the way it’s ending. Now that I’ve had some time to sit down and reflect on it, there isn’t anything I’d change… Okay, maybe one thing and it’s not the break-up. The one thing I’d change is something I’ll keep to myself, and I think it’ll stay with me for the rest of my life. That doesn’t mean that it keeps me up or distracts me if anything it’s a reminder. I don’t remember having a year like this, one where so much left me reeling. Where there were long periods of time where I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, where I felt out of place, not comfortable, and unwanted.
This will be a year that I’ll never forget, I learned the most, I grew the most and even though I hit rock bottom (I got drunk at a concert and spent the night on a park bench. Also drunk texted my ex and started a fight with her… sorry) Rock bottom, however, is an excellent place to build on, it’s a good foundation. I’ve never had a year that’s been more difficult, more demanding, more heartbreaking or more exhausting, but the list of accomplishments far exceeds the list of failures. I won’t list the failure because if you’ve been following along you know what they are, and you know what they mean to me, even now. I started having panic attacks, at some points, it felt like this would just be the way things were from now on. They aren’t gone, they never just go away, but now I know how to handle and deal with them. I’m more comfortable saying “No.” The only person I need to please is myself, the only person I need to take care of is myself. If I do that, the people and things around me will flourish. I proved to myself that I could do it on my own. I loved my ex for many reasons, one of them is because I saw here as being adventurous. I always envisioned myself travelling and having adventures because my significant other would take me along with her and we could do things together. I don’t need anyone for that, and I can do it by myself.
I’m alone, but it been that way a lot and while it would be nice to have someone all to myself to spend the holidays with and do things with, I don’t need that to have a good time. I’ve never had that, never had what most people call normal. It looks fun; it looks like something I can do but the fact that it hasn’t happened makes me think that abnormal is my normal. And you know what, look at what abnormal’s given me, I have a plethora of stories to tell, a collection of posts and photos from all over. So, 2017 thanks for the memories, the experience, the hardship, but thank you for showing me that the most important thing is the day in front of me, not tomorrow.